Tukii's Truth 1.0

In the segment of "Tukii's Truth" you will gain insight on who he is and how he has become the person you know him as today. Please be sure to share your thoughts, feelings, constructive criticism or concerns with him in the comment section below. Here we go :)

Looking back and reflecting on what life was like for me as an elementary student is quite the story. Elementary school is supposed to be fun, easy, and nap time every day, but that was never the case for me. I had so many issues as a younger student it is not even funny. Ranging from preliminary insecurities to self identity, it was quite the roller coaster.

To some what I dealt with may be water off a duck's back, but to me, they were the boogey man in everyone's closet. Primarily, I had to constantly deal with being so tall. I was forever the tallest student in my grade level up until middle. Being tall however, had its benefits, especially when it came to being the first one picked for a kickball game or being the teacher's assistant with delivering errands for them. On the flip side, I did not really have a lot of friends because of my height. Because I was so freakishly tall to be my age at the time, I was perceived as this huge bully (which I was okay with because I did not like really being bothered, but that's another story for another day).

Another issue I dealt with was having eczema. I never had it in like "weird" places. It was mainly on the lower part of my stomach, but that is neither here nor there. However, it was embarrassing because my mom would always tell my teachers "if you see him and it looks like he is digging in his pants, he is only scratching his stomach." I would be so mad at her for telling them MY BUSINESS LIKE THAT, but I guess it's cool or whatever. I dealt with having eczema up until middle school as well. I recall a time when I was in the first grade and my best friend, at the time, suggested that I would put water on where it irritates so it could stop my skin from being so dry. We were in the cafeteria at the time and he had brought lunch from home and his parents packed him a water bottle. He gestured the water bottle towards me and my dumb behind sat there and poured the water on my stomach (I AM LITERALLY LAUGHING WHILE TYPING THIS)!! That is what I call a loyal friend, lol.

My mom had two kids, my sister and myself, with the addition of my sister's dad in the picture. I did not know my biological father, [but I will CERTAINLY be discussing him in another segment] so no reason for him to be in the picture. With all of that being said, my sister's dad was in our life from about my Pre-School year up until first grade. Him and my mom ended up getting a divorce and my mom met a new man and the rest is history. With this new man came a lot of open doors. We ended up moving my Second grade year from Highland Elementary to Boone Trail Elementary and there I had the time of my life. I liked my step-dad's family so much I started calling them my family. At Boone Trail, I met my two cousins (on my step-dad's side) Tre and Kadeijah. It was us three against the world.

Tre and Kadeijah had this mutual friend at the time whom he, Tre, was dating which was her, Kadeijah's, best friend. Because I was around them a lot, there was this other girl that would be with them, I will refer to her as Dee. Dee was really cute and I really liked Dee. In fact, I liked her so much I asked her out -_-. We dated for about 3 days and broke up. We broke up because 1) I did not really know what I was into at the time and I was "gentlelady" enough to not prolong it and 2) she would get sick often and me being so young, I didn't know what to do to ever try and help.

Both Second and Third grade years were spent at Boone Trail before my family moved back to a neighborhood near Highland. As much as I loved Highland, I noticed that a lot has changed. With this change came about a new friend. Fourth grade year, this guy name Juwan was my BEST friend. He was the first person that I actually spent nights with over at someone's house. He introduced me to omelettes, we wrestled on his trampoline, and we both were the fastest sprinters at Highland Elementary. The reason he became my BEST friend was because he was the very first person I affirmed my sexuality with and he was absolutely okay with it. In fact, I recall a time when some students in the class use to talk about me, with me not knowing, and he would always come to my defense. Juwan was the epitome of a true friend. (Mind you, this was all in the FOURTH GRADE). Towards the end of Fourth grade year, Juwan told me that he would be moving due to his family being a military family. He never specified when because he did not know himself.

Well, plot twist, in the midst of all of this, another military family ended up buying our house we were in at the time from up under us thus causing my family to move immediately. Well, I did not have enough time to tell Juwan about everything that was going on because during that time, what was a cell phone? When we finally got settled in at our new home, I went with my sister to go stay with her dad for the weekend just so I could go see Juwan to catch him up on life. Well to my unfortunate luck, my sister's dad pulled us up to his house and there were no cars in the yard. I knocked several times on the door. I even went in the backyard looking for their little dog they had at the time. Nothing. Juwan and his family moved. To this very day, I try to find him on every social platform, but I keep hitting dead ends. When he left, so did a piece of my heart.

My Fifth grade year, I attended Benhaven Elementary. This year was a definite pivotal point in my life. I had become real sick of moving. I had become tired of meeting new people. I knew that I wanted Juwan there with me. During this time, there was this test to determine if a student was AIG (Academically or Intellectually Gifted Children). Every student got tested depending on their previous scores in the grade year prior the test. I took the test, and I passed, I guess. So with all of that, I was already settled in my designated classroom for about three weeks. And I am sure you all know how those first few weeks of school can go when your teacher tries to get you and your peers acquainted, right, AWKWARD. The principal at the time came into our classroom to speak with my teacher and then the teacher called for me to gather my belongings and to come with her. So I am automatically thinking like "Lord, what in the world have I done now?" The teacher, Ms. Gartley, walks me down the hallway to another classroom and behold, that was going to be my new classroom for the rest of the year. By this time, I am just sick of it all. Ms. Rhodes became my new teacher and those smart kids became my new peers. [He, me, was no dumb kid, kay? Contrary to what you may know of me, I am actually quite the scholar, I just play dumb and do dumb, but that will be discussed in another segment.] As my Fifth grade year went on, it was this girl in the class (and at the time I had this thing for Hispanics) who I thought was real cute. Come to find out she thought I was cute too and SHE ended up asking ME out, so I was like sure. Now this is when note passing became popular because that is how she asked me, ALL WHILE WE WERE TAKING A TEST.

So we dated for about a week, but I was honestly getting annoyed with her because every time we had to get in a line to go from one place to the other, she wanted me to hold her hand. I just was not with it. So one day, I believe we had a session where our parents had to come to the school to check our academic progress and things (but I could not leave anyways because my mom worked in the Cafeteria at the time and she was my ride) and her mom, with her BEAUTIFUL brother, came to the classroom. My eyes were on him the entire time, I kid you not. So the next day, I broke up with her, and she legit cried and asked why, and I told her I just wasn't ready for a relationship. [Mind you, we are in the fifth grade acting like we are Juniors in college.] But, as I am sure you have guessed by now, I was more attracted to her brother, period.

Elementary school was certainly a trial run for how Middle school would go for me. Along with all of the moving and constant reintroduction of myself to other people, it gassed my head up a little bit. By this time, I knew I was popping because so many different people either knew me or knew of me.

"There was a time when I was alone Nowhere to go and no place to call home My only friend was the man in the moon And even sometimes he would go away, too"

-Ruth B

I am curious to know your thoughts on this portion of my life. Please feel free to share with me your HONEST thoughts. I have learned to master letting not every compliment get to my head, nor every critique get to my heart. So, it is okay to be candid with me.